Cheat Work Thursday

I wish the stock market had no impact on my life or my job. And the f-up thing is I’m actually too poor to concern myself with the stock market. Besides my sad retirement funds, I don’t own any actual stocks. It takes me one full day to decide if I can afford a $2 SHEIN necklace! But whatever’s happening there is affecting my job and subsequently my mental health. For example, this year, it involves a body of water. There won't be enough pages to talk about the atrocities the zionists and their friends are committing in the Middle East, but I want to zero in on one area Iran is defending itself right now: the blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, which disrupts 20% of the global oil supply. Despite one brilliant idea on Twitter to dig another strait across the UAE desert to transport oil — and I'm sure someone is already on it — I can’t go through another round of this. I know, what is a job that has long lost its appeal compared to living under the occupation for decad...

Photo by Ben Kolde on Unsplash On most days, the hour before and after a work meeting is the hour that I'm drowning with all kinds of stuff in my car -- work bag, laptop, makeup bag, extra shoes, phone, pens, papers -- which are never in order no matter what system I try. There will also be racing thoughts: Did I get everything that I should just now? How many minutes do I have to reach the next meeting place? I'm lucky if I can do calm and collected in real life. During work meetings, I just try my best to pretend that I can. So, technology is hard. I don't use Waze. My problem is usually when it says "In 200 metres..." How do I know how far 200 metres is? I prefer the have-been-used-for-thousands-of-years-for-a-reason-obvs way: looking for landmarks, reading the signboards and asking people for directions. But I rarely ask people for directions these days because apparently it's now illegal. Everyone gives me a murderous look if I do. This is 2016, as...

Shoes kicked off, comfy dress on, coffee made. The day started pretty blurry. I opened my eyes, continued to lie in bed longer than I should, eventually forced myself to get up, got ready in a rush, left home but found myself no one to meet. After feeling a tad useless for a few hours, I found breakfast and teh tarik, made two unanswered phone calls and was lucky -- one person generously called me back and granted me a meeting, and it ended pretty well. Here's to many more well days. I'm counting my blessings.

For the purpose of this post, let's pretend that I'm a stylist/personal shopper. (I've pretended to be a personal shopper , a doctor and a web designer before.) So let's say I'm a stylist/personal shopper, can I still justify my work if I recently decided to shop less for myself? Why can't I, right? Just like a doctor who smokes and does not exercise, a healthy living advocate who owns a bakery or a bar, a businessperson or an actor who prefers a secluded life, or a teacher who doesn't like kids? It's nice to have an aligned interest at work and outside work -- but should that not be the case, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy both worlds, does it? While we are at it, how about a corrupt politician who's also a parent? Do they get to teach their children to "get in line at the canteen, queue up getting on the bus, do your homework..."? LOL. (Yes, not exercising is enjoyable. And please don't provide me with studies saying...

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of a few busy weeks for me. In some lines of work, busy is good. It could mean you are doing things right. Right? I think. Maybe. I don't know. And the first step is to achieve the next two weeks' goals. As expected, I'm insomniac tonight. I wish I had finally found a way to control my nerves already and get a good night's sleep. So I'm trying to psych myself up right now. I have to go into tomorrow (today) with a clear mind. What would I do in the next two weeks if I could not fail? What if I get all the good things that I want? What if everything goes smoothly? What if I get one thing done after another with ease? And without embarrassing incidents too? That would be perfect, thank You. I spent all afternoon today with the preparation, and I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and kick-start my day with Tracy Anderson series. I hope. It just sounds like a good plan. So I was hungry an hour ago. There were crackers...

Every time I go to the supermarket near my house, I never fail to get its egg tart and cream cheese danish. I especially need them today because tomorrow is Monday... You clearly have a lot of self-interrogating to do if you dread Mondays. The bigger joke is, I work on my own. This is a path that I chose for myself, one that I weirdly got into despite studying and starting off in a different field. There's nothing stopping me from doing what I want and love. Or is there? "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." Yeah, easy for you to say, Confucius.

Yay me, I've done 58% of the requirement -- in just three weeks! Or rather, I did 42 and got waived for 16. What a relief, the other 42% that's still due does not sound so scary now. The latest I heard, completing the second membership's requirement will only exempt me from the first membership's in the year I complete the second membership. I'm everything about avoiding unnecessary extra work, so I'm saving the second membership's tasks for next year as I'm already halfway through with the first membership for this year. The three courses / seminars that I went to so far were not so bad. I was early for the first class, held in the morning. Have not been attending these classes for ages. The class was surprisingly pleasant, which I only realized during the morning tea break. Everyone was nice and friendly; I didn't feel like going back to the classroom. See, I told ya, the morning tea break is always exciting! The second course was with ...

The thing about membership and certification, besides making you sound just a liiiittle legit, they make you pay and sit in their courses for hours -- every year! I don't drink alcohol, but these courses often make me want to. I often fantasize about being high or having some magical powers every time I attend these courses. I have two memberships to retain. The first one is actually very important; I have to have it. (So I do feel embarrassed every time I whine about it.) What could be a brilliant strategy, procrastinating, does not make the requirements go away. The trickier part is, the rule for this year has changed, and they want you to do more. Or actually the jury is still out on this. I can still question or state my case to get away with half of the requirements. But since I can't risk losing this membership, I have to follow the new rules for the time being and work more. Not harder, just more, because this is actually not hard at all. But who in their right ...

I've never told my mother this, but one of my earliest work ethic lessons that I remember is from when I was nine, taught by her in a rubber farm. (I don't know a thing about tapping rubber. I just loved following her climbing up and down the hills. Plus, I'm sure I must be berangan  being someone else the whole time I was in the farm, you know, like being a spy or something). I'll skip the details, but the point I learned that day was to "do your work properly, make the people who employ you happy". I only managed about 80 pages of How Starbucks Saved My Life . But if there is one thing from the book that stuck in my head, it is Michael Gill's advice to his daughter Elizabeth that "work is dignity".

A client thought I'm the youngest in my family. It wasn't the first time I heard that from a client or a stranger. Unfortunately, I kind of get where that came from. I admit with my current work, I'm probably a different person at work and outside work. It's hard not to be. I know there must be a way to avoid this. There must be a way where I can make people happy without having to turn into an extra-chirpy-I-need-your-approval human. So, Work Objective #43: Be a smart, confident businessperson. And intuitive. And one that still has her soul and, hopefully, some sense of humour too. - This post, but I don't drink alcohol. - Regardless of my mild obsession with clothes or shoes, I don't own or need many anymore , and they don't cost that much either. - Also, I've never owned a Jonas Brothers' poster . Image of clever folders: from the clever site knockknockstuff.com

I blame my -- occasional -- paranoia on one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life: to work and live alone the dumb decision I made to work and live alone my highly commendable work ethic. Two* clients with goals I could not perfect, and I started imagining a long tunnel and three dementors. * that I'm aware of Meeting with Mr White Hair went better than I imagined. I even had a suspicion that he wanted to hug me while I was leaving. If I didn't have this reservation about hugging random men over 50, I might have hugged him too. Here's to dreams and having faith that your work can actually make a difference in someone's life. (I know! I'm surprised too.) Image: bluntcard.com

If you are one of my clients, chances are you are one lucky soul -- I probably love you like I love my wardrobe, makeup kit, tiny library and travel souvenirs. I'll take your expectations and interests seriously, and I'll make you happy and all warm and safe with the services I provide you. I want you to be in awe of my charm and nod in agreement when I'm imparting my wisdom to you. So it breaks my heart if you are less than happy with my work. How a company handles three million clients, I have no idea. I can't stand two people pouting  at me. Just like this post , pretend that I'm a stylist for the purpose of this post and you pay me to style you. While I won't be able to control what the fashion police says about your look, I can advise you of your options. We can explore and make decisions based on your preferences, what would look good on you, and what event you are going to attend. If your goal is A, we'll adopt action A. If your goal is B, we...

Sometimes all I wish for are: A nice cursive handwriting that I can nonchalantly show off at every chance I get. A colder climate so I can do my work at a park. I'm a simple person and a light traveller. It won't be difficult to set my office anywhere to do my desk work. All I need is a tiny computer. And a phone. And my work bag with all the documents and papers too, of course. Everyone needs their work bag to do their work. _____ The most that I would add to the list might be just Wi-Fi service (please). And I'll be productive and creative all day, inhaling fresh air, reconnecting with nature and soaking up positive energy all around... ... and probably a blanket. Even the lightest traveller is allowed a piece of blanket to sit on. That's it. I won't be needing anything else. Bring it, bright blue sky and chirping birds! _____ Except maybe I would need some water. And snacks. Also, speaking of being productive all day , I might need to freshen...

I went to see Mr H, a client, the other day. He is usually a happy, friendly person, but was extra chirpy that day. He's an accountant, it is the quarter close, his company is currently being visited by the auditors, his boss is on maternity leave, and he was down with a cold that day. What's your secret, Sir, for making everything look easy? A new age meditation technique? Sheer sense of determination and responsibility? Purely joyous and fulfilling career? Ohhh... he was on flu meds and cough syrup.

My energy is embarrassing has clearly been put to good use these days. I go out all day for work, reach home at 5, exercise for five minutes, and fall asleep after that until 9 as if I was logging trees the whole day. I promise I'm going to exercise in the morning instead, starting tomorrow. I'm going to pretend this is a new promise have all the energy I want starting tomorrow. I kind of also have an important task to do tomorrow morning. I have some a**-kissing work to do tomorrow. I have a few people to approach tomorrow. I wish myself all the courage and charm in the world. And intelligence! Yes, intelligence too.

It's amazing what a dreadful, unfortunately necessary task can do to your mind and creativity. Suddenly when you're supposed to do the task, you'll have a better idea -- you'll feel like you need to sort the laundry; visit the bookshop and buy that colourful stationery that you've been meaning to get (the idea is nice stationery increases productivity); call your nieces; make nasi lemak; post four blog posts, even though your usual rate of posting is one every 14 days; put on a face mask, complete with two perfectly sliced cucumbers for the eyes (also for productivity); and build a school, a dancing school! For me, it's dealing with my spreadsheets, sending out e-mails and sorting out my mailbox. I'm not a big fan of e-mail for a very long time. I think a lot of things can be solved faster and time saved if we are less dependent on e-mail. Need to discuss the deadline with your colleague? Pick up the phone, walk to the cubicle, and compare your sched...

So, I've just finished colour-coding my clients (because organization). Red Pink is for clients who I can't imagine trying to fist bump with. Amber is for 'I know they could love me more. They should'. And Green is for those I believe I currently have an excellent relationship with. And by excellent I mean 1) I don't dare thinking about fist bumping anyone, actually 2) but they sure look like they trust me 3) we usually have a good conversation -- we manage to respond to each other coherently at least 80% of the time. 4) oh please, I know they love me. My aim is to turn everyone Green by the end of 2011. And loyal too. - I used to think they would be Green from start to finish. There's no way my clients would have a different colour. 🙄

"Wut U Meen 'Drunk?' Iz Onlee Had 1 Glasses!" Image (and moar funny pictures): lolcats

I don't know whether to laugh or tear those illegal roadside ads with lines such as 'Work from Home, Earn RM8,000 A Week'. The ads further make it sound that all we have to do in the morning is wake up and do some super-quick-and-easy assignments, apparently worth RM8,000 a week, showers optional. Who responds to such ads thinking there's no catch behind them? Who responds to such ads at all? (Someone must have, otherwise they wouldn't be there, right?) Even if it is a legitimate project, working from home or not, don't you think at some point we need to be out there to sell whatever it is we're working on? Maybe we are selling things or services online, but we still have to look for people who are going to pay us the RM8,000 -- our clients, our agents perhaps. We still have to work .

"Mortals, you are so about to fulfill my every demand." *waves magic wand*