Cheat Work Thursday

THE LONG NIGHT Nobody: Literally nobody: Me: I'm reporting from Winterfell. _____ 0:03 Theon casually wheels Bran out to the weirwood tree because that's the plan. Just a bait to draw out the evil king, who can do powerful magic and wants everybody dead but has like 0.006% chance — tops — to be killed himself. No big deal. 0:04 The last of the Unsullied marches into the field. I give it to these people, they line up super straight like it’s all measured with rulers. The rows of people and Winterfell all lit up look beautiful too*, like they are all here to celebrate something. Except it's awfully quiet and cold and they are about to fight creatures that almost cannot die. (*Come on, people. It's in the middle of the night. It's appropriately dark.) 0:06 A lone rider approaches the Winterfell gang — it's Melisandre. The Red Woman asks the Dothraki to lift their swords, and she goes to light their weapons. Whoa, I'm geeking out so hard right n...

"FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS" This is an episode which highlight is Wardog tripping at the reward challenge. There were three people left out of the Kelley vote — Lauren, Gavin and Julie. Lauren is mad at Wardog and now out for blood. Gavin is also pissed for being "talked to like a dog" by Wardog. But miraculously, Julie tells Ron that she's not angry at him. "I don't hold anything against you, Ron. Please, I'm not like that. I'm not super emotional, as emotional as I am in this game," she says. Rick, Wardog and Ron talk about shielding each other, being each other's biggest threat in the game right now. Well, Rick and Wardog mostly. Ron confesses that he still can be anyone's ally at this point, and despite working together in the last vote, he does think that Wardog is a loose cannon. Lauren, Ron, Victoria, Aurora and Gavin are talking about voting out Rick, while Ron also doesn't get along with Aurora. The two arguing a...

A KNIGHT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS This episode has way too many feelings (not feels ), and everyone is trying to sort something out as half of them will probably be turning into wights the following day. Jaime receives an icy-cold-we-should-just-murder-you welcome from Daenerys and Sansa because not only is he showing up empty-handed and admitting that Cersei has never intended to help them, he was also not very nice to the Targaryens and the Starks before. But Brienne comes forward and vouches for him, so he's ultimately allowed to stay. On the other hand, he's practically thanked by Bran for pushing Bran out of the tower years ago. In the middle of trying to be friends with Sansa, which quickly turns awkward when Sansa asks about the North's status after the war, Daenerys is interrupted with the news of Theon's return. The meeting is friendly, but it is Sansa who gets the huge hug. So, Theon's another one. He was stupid and cruel and an all-around evil, but I...

"BLOOD OF A BLINDSIDE" It's a deja vu. We start the episode, again, with Kelley, Lauren and Wardog in a majority group of six, but this time, the other three are Gavin, Julie and Ron, instead of Gavin, Julia and Victoria. On top of that, they also have a name now, "Lesu 3", and are apparently "the power trio" currently "controlling the game". Wardog is even described as someone who's "playing a very good game". Before the first tribal, the division was Kelley, Lauren and Wardog on one side, and David and Rick on the other. Then we are shown the possibility of Aurora and Victoria siding with David and Rick, with Ron and Julie being the deciding vote. Julie seems to be on board with this more than Ron does, while Gavin is just floating somewhere in the air. But the vote went 8-2 for David in the end. Looks like the "my brand is loyalty" didn't really work out for him: Aurora, Gavin, Julie, Kelley, Lauren, ...

WINTERFELL WHERE WE ARE AT RIGHT NOW: 1 Jon Snow, his aunt and the rest of their entourage finally arrive at Winterfell, received by Queen Sansa and her now-perpetually-in-pensive-state brother. "I warned you. The North doesn't easily trust outsiders." "Lol I have dragons." "You all notice that Bran looks different, right?" "Just you wait, Jon." 2 Sansa reunites with her ex-husband Tyrion, reminiscing that one day they went to Joffrey's wedding. Good times. She also makes it clear to Tyrion that she thinks Tyrion is stupid for believing that Cersei will help their fight against the Night King. Yeah Tyrion, it has been three seasons probably since your last ok plan. 3 Daenerys and Sam have a very mother-of-awkward introduction at the library. "Thanks for helping my friend-who-doesn't-look-like-he'll-get-over-me-ever. I also torched some rich family on my way here." "It's such an honour to me...

“Y’ALL MAKING ME CRAZY” We start the episode with Kelley Wentworth suddenly having a ride or die of six majority that includes Gavin, Julia and Victoria. How did that happen? But the episode's biggest turn of events was, of course, the 9-1-0 vote for Julia: David, Gavin, Julie, Kelley, Lauren, Rick, Ron, Victoria and Wardog voted for Julia . Julia voted for Kelley . Aurora voted for David . I'm kind of over the theatrical, "live" tribal at this point, let alone the jury members' over-the-top reactions, especially when they know very well it will get captured, repeated on the internet, and probably meme-d for years. But I guess this one is necessary because instead of just waiting to get steamrolled — or being called a "passenger", how insulting — Rick calls the "pilots" out and pushes people on the bottom to defect. Out of the two pilot gang left — Victoria and Gavin — regardless of his vote for Julia, I don't think it's goo...

"I'M THE PUPPET MASTER" Turns out, the other side and all of their idols do not even have to band together to go against original Kama with its three million members. Wardog just sends himself to say a few words, then Kama is ready to eat one of their own. The funny thing is, the not-Kamas also hate each other. This feels like a week where everyone just doesn't care and lets the chips fall wherever they want. So the vote this week went 8-2-2 because these people will never give up on voting for Kelley and Lauren. Hey, one day it might work: Aurora, David, Gavin, Julia, Kelley, Lauren, Victoria and Wardog voted for Eric . Eric and Ron voted for Kelley . Julie and Rick voted for Lauren . I think this is the first time I've heard about a pact to get to the loved ones visit. This is one of those things you'd hear people say and it sounds odd, but you'd be too baffled to say something back. Getting to family visit could mean an 8th-place finish. Yeah...

Yeah... about those '90s romance books with a topless man on the cover that I sooo was not into — scratch that. Different writing style, maybe. But topless cover all the same? Check. I'm reading them! The covers here on the page are the safe-for-work versions. Him — The short verdict is, ever since I got these two books, I can no longer let anyone use my phone or iPad without my supervision. "Oohh... you have books about hockey!" Nooo... Do. Not. Open. That. Him is about Wes and Jamie who've been best friends at a hockey camp since they were 13. One shootout bet when they were 18 had left Wes feeling guilty and ghosting Jamie for the next four years. Wes has a secret: he's been in love with Jamie since they were 13. Not only is he not telling Jamie this because he's still figuring the world out, Jamie is also straight. Now in their senior year, with professional hockey waiting the following year, they are both playing for their respective coll...