Cheat Work Thursday

"IT IS GAME TIME, KIDS" Well, FTC, I knew it . Ok, I didn't know know it, and not that I was the only one who felt this was coming -- we Survivor lunatics think about the edit and discuss the show more hours than we watch the show itself, and I have to predict on about 300 different outcomes to land on one, but small detail. So the finale starts with the aftermath of the Kellyn vote: Donathan knows that he can't expect to be BFFs with Domenick and Wendell anymore. And Sebastian, feeling blindsided, talks about making the f-ing big move with his extra vote *rolls eyes*. Final Six For the first immunity of the night, which comes with a steak reward, the players have to collect bags of puzzle pieces through an amazing, giant skull-shaped maze and solve the puzzle. Wendell finishes first and remembers to scream out for Jeff. So Wendell wins and brings Sebastian and Angela with him to the reward, which he says is to repay Sea Bass and spread the wealth to Ange...

"ALWAYS BE MOVING" It's another episode and another three days of Domenick and Wendell steamrolling the tribe with no objection, even from people who know how much power the pair has to win the game, even from people who know how dangerous it is not to get out of the cult right now. The episode starts with Kellyn realizing that she's next in line, and Donathan reminding Laurel that if they keep playing it safe, they really have no chance of winning. Oh my God, Donathan, yes, get out now! We are cheering for you! Do it! Oh but look, here comes Laurel. Shut down all hopes, everyone. Seriously Laurel, what is this? Are we being gaslighted by the edit? Is this actually a ploy to make us annoyed with her so much, then somehow she will take out Domenick and Wendell and all three hundred of their idols and their challenge threats in one swerve magic move, and she will emerge as a winner after all -- and all our collective minds will be blown to pieces, and a new era o...

"A GIANT GAME OF BUMPER CARS" So the only game left to play this season is guessing who between Wendell and Domenick is going to win, you know, unless this is another Kaoh Rong. Then it's probably Laurel. It's the family visit episode, and everyone is bawling. Sebastian wins the reward and picks Domenick, Donathan and Wendell for a picnic with their loved ones. Wendell volunteers to let go of the reward and go to Ghost Island instead, which wins him Malcolm's advantage from Philippines to start over a challenge. Well, in short, it didn't help him, and Domenick wins the immunity. But seriously, how on earth did he find Laurel and Donathan?? Where on their foreheads written Beep Bop Bee Boo Exist to Serve Domenick and Wendell for Eternity ? I mean, how did he know? Back at camp, Kellyn crosses her arms because she's pissed that not only did she miss the loved ones reward, but Wendell also let it go after being picked, a spot that could have gone to ...

"THE FINISH LINE IS IN SIGHT" How did we get here? How is Kellyn leading the chart of this season's annoying people right now? And we've met Bradley! Also, #justiceforjenna. I'm positive when we had a double elimination in the past, the first person eliminated got to walk away from the set immediately, not sit on the jury bench in their stinky clothes, crushed. God, this feels like another level of meanness, not giving her some space to process what just happened / cuss / cry / breathe / punch a tree / or something, or at the very least getting the camera out of her face for five seconds. But no, Jenna didn’t even get to say her last words *squints at producer*. The episode starts on the night of the Desiree vote, with Domenick thanking and hugging Laurel, who isn't going to win, by the way, for "saving their asses". This happens in front of Kellyn, who also isn’t going to win, which doesn't bother her because she's "Naviti stron...

"IT'S LIKE THE PERFECT CRIME" This feels like the peak weird episode for Laurel. It's great that she's in an alliance, but how is being in an alliance with two people who are way more powerful than her is her only option? Or at the very least, how does ratting out Desiree look good on her or -- I hate to say this -- not make her look like merely Wendell's minion? The episode starts with Desiree's visibility spike. She approaches the original Malolos with a plan to vote out Kellyn, Wendell and Domenick because she didn't come to Fiji to be told what to do. She came to Fiji to make big moves. So far so good. Especially when she realizes that she's on the bottom of the Naviti alliance. But we're pausing that for a bit to get to the reward challenge: a paddling and puzzle challenge (the former usually comes with quality drama eg. Kat and Colton on Blood vs Water). It was a schoolyard pick for two teams of five, which means one person doesn...

"THE SEA SLUG SLUGGER" We start the episode on the night of the Chris vote, with Domenick realizing that he needs to take a step back to avoid painting a target on his back. And the next morning, we witness *gasps* Wendell's winner's edit as he builds a kitchen for the camp. So, things seem to be going well for Wendell, so well that he confesses to Laurel about Domenick's and his own idol. Laurel isn't exactly thrilled to learn that her supposed allies, who seem to have a lot of power in the game, also have two idols between them, and she's only told about it now. So she promises us she'll make a big move, or something. Then it's time for the reward challenge. In a schoolyard pick, two teams race to hit slingshot targets for an afternoon at Survivor's taco hut. And the team of Angela, Chelsea, Donathan, Laurel, Libby and Wendell, which collectively looks to have less muscle compared to the other team, wins. The other team draws rocks, and ...

"FEAR KEEPS YOU SHARP" So it's the merge. They eat, make a toast, make new bonds and reconnect with old friends. One person also raps, and Chris finds a clue stuck in his buff for an idol that has to be retrieved at Ghost Island that night. But they also reconnect with old enemies. Wendell tries to play mediator, hosting a peace talk between Chris and Domenick, hoping that they can start over and work together. But Chris isn't so keen on the plan because why would he at least pretend to be interested for a chance not to be targeted? To be fair, "we can kill each other later" isn't really comforting. But honestly, Chris thinks that he got this. He thinks the majority of people want to work with him, and if he can't be friends with someone, it's only his responsibility to let them know. That night, he manages to sneak out of the camp unnoticed and get the idol from the Ghost Island, which was JT's from Game Changers. So that's alw...

"GOTTA RISK IT FOR THE BISCUIT" The episode starts with Michael finding an idol: the half-burnt Micronesia "f-ing stick" that, apparently, after being incubated for 10 years, has gained some sort of power and transformed into a real idol. Lol seriously, somebody, make this stop. Then we get to the reward challenge to see Malolo lose again, the other two tribes winning steak and chicken kebab, and Bradley barking orders at Donathan. So instead of the usual rocks, Kellyn is picked by Naviti to go to the Ghost Island. And in a rare moment where Chelsea is allowed to speak, she fights her constant need to fall asleep and explains that they want to keep the island's mystery under wraps *rolling my eyes so hard right now*, thus the decision of sending the person who's already been there. This time, Kellyn chooses to play at Ghost Island, winning her an advantage: an extra vote. At Naviti, Bradley is snapping out orders again, wanting the lunch table to...

"FATE IS THE HOMIE" We are switching tribes again, and you'd think this would be the light to some of the original Malolos' tunnels. But no, the season continues to find exactly the same way to screw these people up. I mean, how are this season's swaps all ending up with the original Malolos get equally outnumbered on each tribe, every time? So the new tribe division is: Malolo Angela , Desiree , Kellyn , James , Michael Yanuya Chris , Sebastian , Wendell , Jenna , Laurel Naviti Bradley , Chelsea , Domenick , Donathan , Libby At the new Yanuya, Chris tells us again how awesome he is -- with his sporting record and his modelling career -- although, of course, he admits that he's kind of hesitant about telling people that he models because "for some crazy reason" people often think that models are self-absorbed. At Malolo, Angela and James dish to their new tribe members about the Chris-Domenick rivalry, the Morgan blindside, and ho...

"A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH" My "winner pick", Bradley . "Winner pick" in quotes because no matter how hilarious some of us find his whinings, there's no way someone who tries so hard to sound that annoying is going to win, right? But how great would that be, the whining villain wins the season, torturing and entertaining us all the way till the end? Owh Survivor gods, please, please, please make Bradley win. Then we have Michael , who is so mature and calm, like he's over 17, and even remembers to tell Jeff about watching the show since he was 13. I wasn't entirely useless at 18, but I still cannot be that calm and composed at my current age. And thank God he's not getting into any showmance on the island (yet). The episode starts with Malolo losing a reward again, and Stephanie is sent to the pretty underwhelming Ghost Island that has done nothing so far other than making people cry. I feel like I can almost hear the producer's ...

"TRUST YOUR GUT" Whoa, there was a visibility spike for Chelsea. We almost lost her 😜. Love the episode -- nail-biting challenges, nail-biting tribal. Well, kind of, since there's no way I'd watch without checking Wikipedia first. But still, it would be suuper nail-biting if I did not. The episode starts with Naviti winning a food reward in a water challenge, which I must point out that these people take part, still, in their underwear! But our eyes can move on from that, I suppose. So Malolo has to draw rocks, and Kellyn is sent to Ghost Island, which tweak its rule a little this week: Kellyn will get back to camp in time for the next immunity challenge and tribal. *squints at producers* At Ghost Island, Kellyn opts not to play for the secret advantage to save her vote in the next tribal. And just like Chris, she, too, cries opening up about her life. At Naviti, Chris and pissed-off Angela declare their friendship to the four Malolos, and the plan is...

"ONLY TIME WILL TELL" Ghost Island is switching early, and Angela, on day seven, has already gotten so emotional separating from the original Navitis. One: please go easy with showing all your cards on day seven. Two: who on earth loves all NINE of their tribe members that much, and why? Three: it’s not even day seven for her, she just got on the island. We did not see her last week. The new Naviti is now Laurel, Libby, Donathan, James Angela, Morgan, Chris, Domenick, Wendell And the new Malolo is Jenna, Stephanie, Brendan, Michael Chelsea, Desiree, Kellyn, Bradley (my sassy winner-pick little whiner Prince Bradley), Sebastian . Yeah, not really a good switch for the original Malolos, and I’m ready to avenge the underdogs! The fact that nobody has betrayed them exactly is beside the point. At Naviti, Chris rallies Angela, James and Libby against Domenick, telling them about Domenick’s idol in a way that isn't really thrilling Angela and Libby. But good j...

“CAN YOU REVERSE THE CURSE?” (These boats remind me of Saving Private Ryan . Anyone know what they are called?) No matter how whimsical it tries to sound, Ghost Island is Exile Island with a twist connected to seasons past: its occupant, chosen by the winning tribe, will have the chance to receive a misplayed idol or advantage by past Survivors and use them effectively "to reverse the curse". So, insert the contractual S16's Erik Reichenbach giving his idol to Natalie Bolton clip here. Let's talk about players that stand out this episode: Stephanie - I'm positive there's a regal looking bug out there on the island, a Queen with at least a three-metre-long-yellow-coloured train, wearing the same pants as Stephanie. So I hope her outfit is not a bright lighthouse that reminds everyone who to vote for, because she's smart, articulate and does not sound annoying. I have a feeling she'd do well in FTC. Kellyn and Morgan - Apparently, another t...