Cheat Work Thursday

THE QUEEN'S JUSTICE I DON'T GET: 1 The logistics of Westeros. This episode is just another example. Jon Snow has reached Dragonstone; the Lannisters, the Unsullied and the Greyjoys have been moving armies and ships; and Bran has gotten back to Winterfell -- but there are people out there who are still wandering in the woods. 2 For three minutes -- of why on earth Cersei is suddenly wearing a bright-coloured lipstick. 3 Why it is actually easy and fast to cure greyscale. 4 Cersei and Jaime. BEST LINE: "This place has changed." - Davos, upon arriving at Dragonstone. BEST SCENES: 1 Lady Olenna's probably last scene, her taunting Jaime. I mean, the speech says this is the last scene, but she should have an antidote or something with her, right? Or where the hell is her Secret Service? Can't they sneak her out and fight another day? This Westeros pride, I tell ya. Look at Theon -- safe in a ship, having coffee right now. 2 Sansa ...

NIGHT We're continuing from the last episode. June gets back from the market and hides the Jezebel's package behind the bathtub, and Serena is already waiting outside the door to award her with a strike on the face. Exhibit A is brought out: the short gold dress from Jezebel's. Serena drags June to the bathroom, forces her to pee on a stick and warns June that she better pray she’s pregnant. She herself sits on the floor, praying, bowing in front of the stick while waiting for the result. Without context, watching just that bowing scene, you’d want this woman to get whatever she’s wishing for. But no, I just saw her force a grown woman pee in front of her and yell “Don’t be a child!” when the woman couldn’t. So I just want some violent ends for her right now. June is pregnant. Changing her tone, Serena tells June that “He’s answered our prayers.” “You think I prayed for this? You think I prayed to bring a baby into this house?” June snickers, kneeling on the...

THE BRIDGE The episode starts with a send-off for Janine, who’s leaving for a new home as her posting with the Putnams is complete. It involves a prayer by Commander Putnam, a curtsey from his Handmaids-are-all-beneath-me Wife, and Janine's Handmaid friends lining up in front of the house, saying goodbye or something. “Don’t be sad,” Janine says to June. “He’s coming for me,” she adds, grinning. So. Janine needs help. But Aunt Lydia insists that Janine is tougher than they think and wants her to be an example to everyone. Good line: “I’m very proud of you. Go to them and be blessed. Go like an open flower .” -- Aunt Lydia to Janine when they arrive at Janine's new home. June approaches Alma and says she wants to help with Mayday, the resistance group she first heard from Emily. Alma asks June to go back to Jezebel's and retrieve a package at the bar, and it has to be that night. So it’s time to emergency-flirt with the Commander and tell him how exciting...

(The whole series here .) Night One was long, but we are excited for a new day. One of Nick Host's interns drops a card at the front door, rings the bell and hides behind the bush. The men are asked to scream "Date Card!" and they all sit in a U-shape for the reading. "Ben, (Pause for Ben Sales to put his arms in the air.) Our quest is about to take off. Love, Scha." ONE-ON-ONE It's the first one-on-one for the season, people! " Our quest is about to take off? What does that even mean?" the whole room bursts into questions. Soon enough, Ben Sales finds out that he's boarding a private jet with Scha to a secret location. "We are totally on a plane right now." "I'm afraid of flying," Ben confesses. "Err, what a coincidence. But good thing you are wearing your V-neck shirt." Despite Ben's fear of flying, the plane ride is a success, and they reach their destination, the town...

STORMBORN My top 27 favourite things on Game of Thrones include - the score - the Night King’s makeup and outfit - the trust these people put in a bird to send letters - the map of Westeros (which is totally the UK’s map, twisted and turned) - the Westeros castle and wall and landmark miniatures in the opening credits that I totally want in the form of 6-inch figurines lined up on my desk right now FAVOURITE SCENES: 1 Varys getting out of a sticky situation, explaining his past activity to Daenerys ie sending an assassin to kill her in Essos. @ TheDove_Stark 2 Jon Snow being asked to bend the knee twice in two episodes (and Daenerys getting into the "bend the knee" business). 3 Theon jumping off the ship. A lotttt of lives could have been saved if more people just adopted this strategy. 4 Sam consulting YouTube to perform the greyscale surgery. 5 The five seconds when I thought Qyburn was cloning a dragon. MAKE IT STOP: 1 Sam ruining the ...

JEZEBELS The Commander enforces the law and the religion , just not on himself. I’ve heard this before in real life. But never mind that. Flashback goes to Nick — told ya, part of the problem. He was at a work agency, looking for a new job because he wasn’t able to keep his last four or something, and got kicked out of the office because he was holding the line and got into a fight with the person behind him. His “Career Counsellor” bought him coffee and introduced him to the fixer of the world's problem: Sons of Jacob ie Gilead. So we are introduced to another Gilead douche — a well-dressed man who speaks as if he's a decent guy and drops the word Bible here and there in a conversation. This douche was later seen with the Commander and another douche in a limo as part of the decision makers to “collect women to be impregnated by men of superior status, of course ”. “Maybe the wife should be there for the act. There is Scriptural precedent,” said Douche No 1. “'...

THE OTHER SIDE Luke is alive, and this episode brings us back to the time when June, Luke and Hannah were trying to escape -- a welcome break after six episodes of misogyny overload, to put it mildly. (I’m exhausted.) Luke was shot (sorry, I called this a ‘break’) and taken away by an ambulance, which then met with an accident, skidding off an icy road. Luke survived and was found by a group of runaway survivors while he was hiding in an abandoned shop. (Did Gilead Eyes round up each rebel / potential Handmaid this way? Two SUVs full of armed men to chase a family of three? That’s a lot of work and resources.) Going back to a few days earlier, June, Luke and Hannah were heading to Canada, making a stop to meet June's mother's old friend, who was going to help them cross the border. They were asked to ditch all their stuff and hide in the trunk on their way to the man’s cabin, where they were going to wait for a while and prepare before leaving. The short story is, whe...

(The whole series here .) INTRO The season starts with Scha walking on the beach, looking forlornly into the sea, recalling her heartbreak two and a half weeks ago. After a full three seconds, to the whole nation's relief, she turns to the camera, smiling and twirling, ready for a new chapter in her life. "I believe in the process. My experience in the last Fake Bachelorette tells me that I'm ready to find love, and now that I get a second chance at it, I'm going to take it. Even if it means putting the job that I love and have worked very hard for second. I, too, deserve my fairy-tale ending." We are then introduced to a number of the Bachelors: Eric Trainer works out twice a day; Greg Manager is shown packing his hair products and tells the camera on his way out, "Scha, I'm coming for you!"; the handsome Patrick Model tells us about the sad day he lost his cat Pebble eight years ago; and the successful Matt Lawyer moans that despite all...

DRAGONSTONE Aww, I miss these angry, vengeful people. It has been 15 months since the last premiere, and finally The Night King and the gang are here! Posting my favourite lines, characters and highlights from each week's episode because it's the last seven thirteen episodes of the series, and I have opinions. BEST LINES: The Hound, Thoros and the Brotherhood Without Banners, travelling in the snow: "Bad night to be outdoors." - Thoros. "You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that to your ear?" - the Hound. "Why are you always in such a foul mood?" "Experience." Sigh, manbun hater, heart emoji. MY TOP FOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS FOR THE WEEK: 1 Euron Greyjoy because he's obnoxious, and he has a thousand ships and two good hands. 2 Walder Frey because he will never waste a good wine on a damn woman. 3 The Hound because sometimes I secretly want to be his ...

A WOMAN’S PLACE The episode opens with Aunt Lydia supervising the Handmaids cleaning the wall aka Not-the-kind-with-coffee-and-Wi-Fi Hanging Out Spot. Some foreign government officials are visiting, and suddenly the God-fearing-and-prayer-before-rape Gilead is conscious of what looks good and what doesn't. If this is all mandated by God, what is there to cover? We've watched too many shows and news about imprisonment, kidnapping and abuse. At a glance, is the way Serena treating June the worst on the list? No. We’ve seen Silence of the Lambs. And yes, there shouldn't be a ranking here, they are all horrendous. I just want to describe Serena’s superpower: Being Abusive and Condescending While Still Thinking She's a Good Person. (Sure, it's not really foreign in real life.) In a previous episode, she handed June cookies like she was a three-year-old and told June that she was “a smart girl” like June had been raised in a cave and just got out; in this episode,...