Broken-Hearted by Manchester by the Sea

I’m trying to remember what fun TV, movies or books that I’ve watched or read this year. I think it was only Veep. The only two books that I read include A Little Life, which still scars me till today. But I’m catching up on my favourite blogs* -- so, thank you, favourite blogs, for saving my soul.

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In this soul-racking story, Lee is an apartment janitor and handyman living a joyless, reclusive life in Boston. He receives a call from his hometown Manchester one day, informing him that his brother, Joe, has just passed. What follows are the burial that cannot be done until spring because of the snow, and the reading of the will: Among others, Joe had named Lee the guardian to Joe’s teenage son, Patrick.

So, teenagers aren’t necessarily the easiest people to take care of. Also, in a flashback, we are brought back to Lee’s old life in Manchester, where he was married to Randi and had three kids. He lost the latter in a fire after one night of drinking and drugs. The house was burned down from the unattended fireplace when he went to the grocery store to get more booze.

I went back and forth trying to appreciate Casey Affleck’s performance in this movie because I’ve also read his sexual assault cases, but that scene after the fire was haunting. There was no screaming or dialogue -- just smoke and rubble, and tiny bodies being removed, and eerie music, and an excruciating need to turn back time. Lee wasn’t charged for his kids' deaths, but he attempted suicide at the police station during questioning. Soon after, Randi left him, and he quickly became the least favourite person in town.

To squeeze our tears more, we are shown how good Joe was to him, and that one person who always got his back is now gone.

Lee is already officially gloomy, and he's suddenly tasked to bond with Patrick, who is not the worst teenager in the world, but still worlds away from Lee. And Patrick doesn't want to move to Boston with him.

Their relationship gets better over the months. In the end, Lee arranges for their family friend George to adopt Patrick, so Patrick can remain in Manchester, at least until he turns 18 or goes to college.

At one point during the visit, Lee also bumps into Randi, who cries and apologizes for the things she said to him when they parted ways. He says something back, with struggle, essentially letting her know that he isn’t angry with her, then leaves abruptly, overwhelmed with emotion.

Grieving is already hard, then you add guilt and a new responsibility that not only you didn’t ask for, but also drags you back to that place you are trying to keep away. I've no idea how you survive that. It's painful to think that there are real people out there who are going through a similar experience as Lee. But if Lee is a real person, maybe Patrick is the blessing that can eventually help him heal a little.

During cooling down after yoga, we’d lie down on our backs, hugging our knees, with eyes closed. I don’t remember the name of this pose, but it feels good to my tired muscles and, sometimes, soul. During this time, when I’m not thinking much about what food I’m going to devour in the next hour, I’d try to remind myself to be more compassionate -- to others if I’m lucky enough to be that good person, but mostly to myself. You can rarely control what people think of you, but you’ll go crazy if you beat yourself down every day.

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*Some of my current / past readings. (Some of these bloggers have stopped writing, but I still love the blogs.):

Baghdad Burning
confetti in the wind
Flourish in Progress
Mr and Mrs Globe Trot
Olivia Rae James
Reading My Tea Leaves
Rosie
Starting Over @24
underneath the turban

Image: Amazon Studios