Cheat Work Thursday

"IT'S MERGE TIME" It's the merge. Maneuvering his way in the middle of drunk people at the merge feast, surprisingly, Nick doesn't sound terrible this week. Probably because I also just found a couple of his kind-of-funny self-mocking tweets. I decide how much I like people on Survivor based on their tweets. (Sigh, Tyler Fredrickson, so much potential.) So he makes friends with everyone and discusses their next move with Michele as a partner, instead of as a "bro". Boot episode, next week? Kidding. Ish. Good line: Aubry, filling Debbie in: Peter went insane. Sexual innuendos are what enrich Survivor. An episode without Jeff Probst mentioning "balls" during the challenge is a slow episode. But this week it goes overdrive. The viewers are probably already numb with just two mentions of "poles and balls", so let's throw everything at once this week and make these immature people roll on the floor. Everyone, participate! Sa...

We I used to care very little about what the internet said about my beauty and hair products. To be fair, the internet did not say much either. But I sure was easily bought by advertisements. Oh Bobbi Brown, how nice of you for making me feel like I'm part of you*. Here's my money. (*I'm not. You are still the expensive makeup with excellent branding, and I'm still living with my not-flawless skin and lack of makeup skill.) While I'm still easily bought by advertisements, I want simple everything now: I don't want 10 bottles of hair products that promise everything and do nothing, and I want to spend less. That sounds simple enough if the internet, the "natural" products movement, were not messing up my life. Currently, here's how I'm probably destroying my hair: Flat Iron My hair is long again this year, and I don't want to relax it this time. But since I still need to socialize with humans, I cannot just leave it as it is....

"PLAY OR GO HOME" There really isn't much drama this week. Neal, good at challenges and has given us two Science lessons so far, is blended in the background again. Joe is strange, interrogating Peter the way he does -- asking Peter if Peter's targeting him -- because he's a "retired FBI guy". This is probably not Michele's best week -- she had just lost an ally in Anna and probably caused her tribe to lose the reward challenge -- but all of her secret outrage at confessionals this week is great. " I don't need to be carried, bro! " ~ her response in front of the camera to Nick's explaining their supposed plan moving forward. " Bro, I know ." Iconic soundbites. And since last week, I've finally learned that all the people who had Anna as their winner's pick were male. Should have known. In short, Gondol loses immunity again. Peter knows he's on the bottom with the Brains. Aubry and Joe just d...

"THE DEVILS WE KNOW" Neal gets more airtime this week, which makes me nervous. - Kelly Wiglesworth and Tyler Fredrickson were allowed to say a few lines when the end was near. - Even with more airtime, his idol hunt is sped up, which is great. I can't watch another starving, grown person lose control of their bleeding legs, sliding down a coconut tree. - Except for one confessional about making his own luck, his airtime is mostly just small filler soundbites, though -- as if the producers need to start showing him for some reason but don't have a lot of material to go with, which may be good in a way, I guess. He's probably not one of those people who incessantly play up for the camera for more airtime. - From a secret scene, apparently, Neal is a provider at Brains, but it's not shown on the show. Why? Is he not going to win so there is no need to worry about his resume, or is he going to win but the editor is hiding him so that it won't be so o...

"SIGNED, SEALED AND DELIVERED" The medical emergency was overwhelming and scary. But I'm also giving a dirty look to the producers for the score in the background and Caleb's overall edit. Ok, I don't think he did anything wrong. I can believe that he is well-liked by his tribemates and genuinely loves the adventure, but the edit was also a perfect, too sweet setup for the way he departs the game. If you haven't already spoiled, it's like now you'll find things to click. I don't mind being manipulated by TV as long as we both acknowledge that's what's going on here. Chocolate chips* on top is how the show really spells it out for us that Caleb is going to return. I don't have a problem with that, you know, if other contestants are busy but my cold heart still doesn't find Caleb that compelling. (*I hate cherry.) That said, I can only imagine being under the sun for an hour, pushing your body -- which already doesn't get...

"THE CIRCLE OF LIFE" Great episode. Delicious, delicious last words. Regardless of how much she trusted Cydney, Alecia should have kept the clue to herself. Anyone, including Cydney, would agree. I don't care if his “emotional” item is a stuffed animal. The idol-snatching drama just cemented Jason's a**hole status. I think I heard Jason say in a pregame interview that he'd play like Russell Hantz. A – Why? B – I've forgotten most parts of Samoa, but I'm not sure if Russell was entirely not charming on that season. Russell was ruthless, but if I remember it correctly, I feel like he was at least fun (funny?) to watch. Jason is just a pain. He doesn't care to hide it from anybody that he has no respect for Alecia. He seems like that kind of person who must find somebody to pick on to feel good about themselves. He sounds so proud every time he gets the chance to dismiss Alecia. Alecia is not really what we call a Survivor strategist, but I...

"KINDERGARTEN CAMP" Alecia is confused. But so are about 6.9 billion people in the world about their daily lives. So I don't think it's the strangest thing to be confused in a game of lying, cheating and stealing. Knock yourself out, Alecia. I can finally put Jason into a category: he's a douche. His snarky comments aren't funny, and he's too douchey to realize that the game can change at any time. Alecia is on the bottom, confused and has no friends right now. But that could be him soon. And with two huge holes on your earlobes and one huge boombox tattoo on your midsection, I don't think you have the right to call anybody "Ostrich". And have fun watching with your family -- of yourself wanting to feed “Blondie” with your-skin-infested water. At Brains, Liz turns a bit emotional because she couldn't get boiled water (thanks, Joe) and her lips have started to chap, and Joe turns cranky. Come on, people. It has only been six days ...

"I'M A MENTAL GIANT" The season starts with what sounds like War of the Worlds ' score with the three tribes on a boat to the starting line. We are then warned that this is going to be the most grueling 39 days in Survivor history* and introduced to the contestants and Jason's cringing habit of cracking his fingers. (*A few other seasons would like to have a word. You still live by the beach with plenty of trees.) Let's talk about some of the cast: Nick – Nick says his life is better because he's better looking than most people -- if you have no idea what too much self-esteem looks like. Many say that he's (over)playing a character, "Oh, you're putting me on the Beauty tribe? Let me play you the stereotypical self-absorbed-douchey-beautiful-people." Ugh, please make it a hard role to take on, Nick. Jason – From the pregame interview, I wanted to like Jason, the long-haired bounty hunter with tattoos that I'd question and ...

Spotlight The movie, set in 2001/02, follows The Boston Globe's investigative team, Spotlight, and its investigation into the child sex abuse cases in Boston churches and the systematic cover up. The team earned the newspaper a Pulitzer Prize for this work, which uncovers decades of abuse and encourages thousands of victims from all over the world to come forward. In the movie, the perpetrators -- the priests / clerics -- are sent for counseling / therapy / treatment (whatever that means) for their crimes before being relocated to different churches, where they now... have access to different groups of children. Yeap. I'm positive many convicted pedophiles who are serving time in prison right now would love this same counseling-relocation deal. Self-righteous religious people already turn me off. Now you're telling me there are people out there who commit sex crimes, systematically abuse their power and hide it all behind a religion. The Hateful Eight The sto...

Photo by Georgia Vagim on Unsplash LIKE, A LOT : Spotlight OK to WHATEVER : The Hateful Eight, The Martian, The Revenant WILL FIND : Trumbo, The Danish Girl, Bridge of Spies WILL PROBABLY FIND : The Big Short, Brooklyn REGRET : Mad Max (In this movie, there is one character whose sole job is to play an electric guitar on a moving giant truck in action-packed chasing scenes *knocks head on desk*.) WILL NOT WATCH : Anomalisa, Room (I know about Room the book, which I didn't read . So I also know about the Fritzl case . The case is too horrifying. So if Room the movie is well-made, it means it's horrifying too -- I won't be able to handle it. If it's not well-made -- I'll be mad. This is complicated.) _____ But before that, as usual, let's discuss old news first: I've seen Birdman, Boyhood, The Theory of Everything, Wild, Whiplash, Interstellar, The Imitation Game and scattered minutes of A Most Violent Year. Birdman — This movie was not ...