The Fake Bachelor, Episode 6, Hometowns
(The whole series here.)
As a testament to my consistency, here's episode 6, six months later.
It's the HOMETOWN episode, you guys!
First up:
RYAN ASIAN
"I can't wait to see the place where you grew up!" Scha tells Ryan, beaming with excitement. So the date starts at an arcade by the pier.
"I'm going to show you the city today. First -- this arcade. I used to work here after school when I was young. It helped me pay for college."
They spend some time there, having breakfast, playing a couple rounds of games, and talking about school and their childhoods. Scha tells the camera she's surprised that she's having more fun than she thought she would at the arcade, her first visit to one.
Ryan's parents are abroad for work. So instead of his family, they meet his best friends Emme and Ed later that afternoon at their next stop -- a police station! So we learn that for years, Ryan has been working with a local community initiative, mentoring troubled youth finding footing in their lives again. Scha gets a little tour of his work there, and they end the day at a local bar for dinner and catching up. At the end of the evening, they almost do not want to part ways.
So our conclusion is, not only is this guy not going to win this phenomenal show, he’s also not going to be on The Fake Bachelor in Paradise.
BEN ANALYST
This one totally catches Scha off guard. She's ready to head for Ben Sales' hometown when Nick Host tells her she's actually scheduled for Ben Analyst's.
For five minutes, she tries to jog her memory of who Ben Analyst is. "Never mind, what's one more date," she finally says.
So we are meeting Ben Analyst at his old high school!
"Are we even allowed to film here?"
"I'm guessing not."
"Then why are we here? Why are you mixing things?"
"I love this place. It's magical."
After three chemistry experiments that also involve one canister of fire extinguisher, they manage to sneak out past security and head to Ben's parents' condo by the beach.
"Who am I meeting today?"
"My mother Jenna and my father Bruce. They love the '60s."
Jenna and Bruce, just like Ben's chemistry lab, are magical. They are lovely and have tons of stories. Overall, it looks like a fun afternoon, if you are into inexplicable long pauses and sudden bursts of laughter in between piecing stories together.
"We are dancing!"
BEN SALES
Finally, it's Ben Sales' hometown!
The chemistry between these two is through the roof, obviously, as evidenced by her flying into him for a super huge straddling hug and the orchestral music playing in the background.
Scha is introduced to his parents, two sisters and brothers-in-law, niece and nephew. So this is the biggest meeting so far, and the family is just a tad... loud. I mean, you only have to scream a little to be heard. But Scha tells the camera that she has never been this happy in her entire life, constantly holding Ben's hand except for a total of three minutes. We sense that she's basically done with this show, but we know she can't say that she loves Ben yet, we still have two more episodes to go. She can say that she's falling for him, though, like what she has been doing the entire season anyway.
"We were supposed to invite Ben's ex-fiancée to join us today, but we do not have enough chairs."
"I was told that I'd be the over-protective family member."
"So there are two in the family who are assigned with that role? You and your mother?"
"Yeap. And my 9-year-old daughter will sit with you later and ask intrusive questions like how do you know if Uncle Ben is the one, you know, questions that should be none of a 9-year-old's business."
"I was supposed to say that I have doubts about us this episode, but I couldn't."
"Never mind, they can just chop something up and insert it later if they want. And I prefer the over-protective family storyline than the can't-get-over-ex-fiancée one. Also, I want a proposal by the end of the show."
And we thought we were done.
Then by the power vested in Greg Manager's perseverance, we have another hometown, everyone! He's back.
GREG MANAGER
So we drag ourselves to Greg's hometown because we know how this is going to end. This freaking guy 🤦🏻♀️.
"My favourite food truck."
"It's greasy."
"I know, right?"
Surprisingly, unlike Greg Manager's hairstyle, the date isn't that really painful to watch. After about six attempts at jokes, Greg is pretty funny and also turns out to be a great listener. And the parents are warm and friendly and almost adorable. Scha also learns about his work as a Station Manager. "I love anything space-y. I once went to a Space Centre when I was 11," she says.
"This is not a bad day at all. I'm not even that mad that my shoes are now half-ruined coming out here."
ROSE CEREMONY
As suspected, Ryan Asian does not get a rose because you don't win this show if you are at least half-normal and not prone to drama.
We also know Ben Sales is going to be in the final two, and we are right, he gets a rose.
The question is, who's going to get the other rose?
The guy who we suspect, many times throughout the season, is just quietly inserted into the show, you know, like he's actually the production's caterer, tasked with being a body double or something? Or the guy who can't take a hint, like one who's actually been sent home twice in three weeks?
And...
*drum rolls*
... the second rose goes to Greg Manager!
(Despite the literally fiery school lab date, we suspect that Scha has just forgotten about the other Ben guy again.)
See you next week, everyone. It's the Bitches Tell All!
As a testament to my consistency, here's episode 6, six months later.
It's the HOMETOWN episode, you guys!
First up:
RYAN ASIAN
"I can't wait to see the place where you grew up!" Scha tells Ryan, beaming with excitement. So the date starts at an arcade by the pier.
"I'm going to show you the city today. First -- this arcade. I used to work here after school when I was young. It helped me pay for college."
They spend some time there, having breakfast, playing a couple rounds of games, and talking about school and their childhoods. Scha tells the camera she's surprised that she's having more fun than she thought she would at the arcade, her first visit to one.
Ryan's parents are abroad for work. So instead of his family, they meet his best friends Emme and Ed later that afternoon at their next stop -- a police station! So we learn that for years, Ryan has been working with a local community initiative, mentoring troubled youth finding footing in their lives again. Scha gets a little tour of his work there, and they end the day at a local bar for dinner and catching up. At the end of the evening, they almost do not want to part ways.
So our conclusion is, not only is this guy not going to win this phenomenal show, he’s also not going to be on The Fake Bachelor in Paradise.
BEN ANALYST
This one totally catches Scha off guard. She's ready to head for Ben Sales' hometown when Nick Host tells her she's actually scheduled for Ben Analyst's.
For five minutes, she tries to jog her memory of who Ben Analyst is. "Never mind, what's one more date," she finally says.
So we are meeting Ben Analyst at his old high school!
"I'm guessing not."
"Then why are we here? Why are you mixing things?"
"I love this place. It's magical."
After three chemistry experiments that also involve one canister of fire extinguisher, they manage to sneak out past security and head to Ben's parents' condo by the beach.
"Who am I meeting today?"
"My mother Jenna and my father Bruce. They love the '60s."
Jenna and Bruce, just like Ben's chemistry lab, are magical. They are lovely and have tons of stories. Overall, it looks like a fun afternoon, if you are into inexplicable long pauses and sudden bursts of laughter in between piecing stories together.
BEN SALES
Finally, it's Ben Sales' hometown!
The chemistry between these two is through the roof, obviously, as evidenced by her flying into him for a super huge straddling hug and the orchestral music playing in the background.
Scha is introduced to his parents, two sisters and brothers-in-law, niece and nephew. So this is the biggest meeting so far, and the family is just a tad... loud. I mean, you only have to scream a little to be heard. But Scha tells the camera that she has never been this happy in her entire life, constantly holding Ben's hand except for a total of three minutes. We sense that she's basically done with this show, but we know she can't say that she loves Ben yet, we still have two more episodes to go. She can say that she's falling for him, though, like what she has been doing the entire season anyway.
"So there are two in the family who are assigned with that role? You and your mother?"
"Yeap. And my 9-year-old daughter will sit with you later and ask intrusive questions like how do you know if Uncle Ben is the one, you know, questions that should be none of a 9-year-old's business."
"Never mind, they can just chop something up and insert it later if they want. And I prefer the over-protective family storyline than the can't-get-over-ex-fiancée one. Also, I want a proposal by the end of the show."
And we thought we were done.
Then by the power vested in Greg Manager's perseverance, we have another hometown, everyone! He's back.
GREG MANAGER
So we drag ourselves to Greg's hometown because we know how this is going to end. This freaking guy 🤦🏻♀️.
"It's greasy."
"I know, right?"
Surprisingly, unlike Greg Manager's hairstyle, the date isn't that really painful to watch. After about six attempts at jokes, Greg is pretty funny and also turns out to be a great listener. And the parents are warm and friendly and almost adorable. Scha also learns about his work as a Station Manager. "I love anything space-y. I once went to a Space Centre when I was 11," she says.
ROSE CEREMONY
As suspected, Ryan Asian does not get a rose because you don't win this show if you are at least half-normal and not prone to drama.
We also know Ben Sales is going to be in the final two, and we are right, he gets a rose.
The question is, who's going to get the other rose?
The guy who we suspect, many times throughout the season, is just quietly inserted into the show, you know, like he's actually the production's caterer, tasked with being a body double or something? Or the guy who can't take a hint, like one who's actually been sent home twice in three weeks?
And...
*drum rolls*
... the second rose goes to Greg Manager!
(Despite the literally fiery school lab date, we suspect that Scha has just forgotten about the other Ben guy again.)
See you next week, everyone. It's the Bitches Tell All!
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