Noah and Julian

I passed on Noah for a long time. The story felt a liiitle too close to a red line to me. But running out of books one week, I decided that I was just going to give in to the high Goodreads rating and read it. And it's one of my favourites now.

So why it was difficult to read it earlier? Julian is Noah's sister stepson.

Ok, Julian isn't really Noah's nephew. They aren't blood-related and were never close or saw each other much before. They've never had that uncle-nephew relationship. Still, it kind of jolt your system hearing it the first time, no?

Noah is a 40-year-old movie director and the life of the party. His life turns upside down one day, beginning with him walking on his girlfriend cheating on him. The next day, his entire family -- parents, sister, brother-in-law, young nephew and niece -- die in a plane crash. The only one left is Julian who was not on the plane. A month after the funeral, while Noah is nursing his sorrow with alcohol and not leaving the house, Julian turns up at Noah's door, hoping a new place would help him with a fresh start.

With Julian is now under his roof, Noah feels responsible to finally kick himself out of the bed and find a way to heal. Grieving over the same tragedy, they start to lean on each other to move forward but promise that they are not going to pretend when things are not ok.

Julian is 17 years Noah's junior but feels like an old soul. He's also been dealing with depression for the past couple of years and not entirely out as gay. He planned to tell his parents of the fact, but they died right before. This leaves him with another struggle, wondering of their acceptance.

Noah is protective of Julian. Finding comfort in each other, they grow closer, and soon Noah finds himself fighting his attraction to Julian. Apparently, Julian has already had a crush on Noah since he was a teen.

So they cross a line one day, which they agree will not continue, resigning themselves to the realization that being this dependent won't help them get better. They still live under one roof but try to move on with the help of their works, therapy and attempts to see other people.

Nine months passed, and once again they find themselves unable to deny their attraction for each other, while still aren't sure of where they stand. Noah also finally manages to get Julian to score for his movie -- Julian wants to make music in Hollywood but has refused to accept Noah's offer to connect him to the industry -- and on the trip to shoot the movie in Paris, they finally agree to date each other.

I feel their grief in that chapel scene in Paris, of how tough this is for them to move forward with their relationship. Not only it's not easy to face the world, they are also haunted by what their dead family might think of them. It's an insides-tearing decision, one that will still leave that tinge of sadness no matter the outcome.

Read also Julian, a two-chapter Noah's outtake from Julian's POV. It's mellow and sweet, and it gives another layer of closure to their story.

This is the kind of book that still follows me after a few days.

(And I officially have read too many sex scenes this year 🙋🏻‍♀️.)

Image: caradeewrites.com